"Save Yourself" -- Stabbing Westward

"...I am just as fucked as you..."

So I've been having these nightmares, which (just in case you were wondering) are a side effect of the new meds I'm on. Really, just the same old things. Last night something was on the bed with me and Arabella, stomping hard enough to wake me up. I kept trying to scream, "Jamie! Help!" because whatever it was was trying to get me. It was fucking weird. And I couldn't move or scream or anything. It was like I knew I had to move, knew I had to scream for help, but no sound would come out of my mouth, and my arms wouldn't do what I was telling them to do. I was so scared it woke me up.

After sitting on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, praying, in fact, to Jesus to cleanse and consecrate us (idk, but it made me feel better, sort of like combining the Power of Jesus and your basic cleansing spell!), I got up and wandered around the house checking on the girls.

Arabella, check. Addison, check. Anna-Lee... Anna-Lee! What the fuck! Whatever didn't get me got Anna-Lee! Oh. My. Fucking. God.

And, after a few panicked moments of tearing away covers and tossing about pillows like the madwoman I am, I began to search the house. She wasn't in my bed. Or in her bed. Or in Addison's bed, or on her sofa.

Alas, it was only a dream. I found her on the couch in the living room, her neck bent at this really uncomfortable angle on the recliner. So I picked her up and attempted to carry her to bed. But she's so heavy! I plopped her down on her feet and sent her off to bed, blinking and rubbing her tired eyes. I was relieved that it had only been a dream, after all.

That one was scary. But it wasn't as bad as the one I had at Dad's house over the Labor Day weekend. For some reason I always wake up, my heart clamoring to get out of my chest, my breath catching in my throat, choking on the screams that won't escape my lips inside those dreams. No, last night's wasn't so bad compared to that one. I dreamed that Jamie left me and I had to work at...wait for it...

Sears!

I am not joking. Though, in retrospect, it is fucking hilarious. My nightmare of all nightmares is that my Jamie will leave me and I will have to go back to work at Sears.