Judith -- A Perfect Circle

Turns out, you can have everything you ever wanted. If you sell yourself to the debil, or as I like to call him, Corporate Entities.

I tried. I really did. But I felt wretched.

How do you sleep at night?

Tell me, won't you, how does it feel to have a lot of money by stepping on someone else's neck to get it? Does it feel good? Do you stay up at night wondering if you're going to end up in the seventh circle of hell? Hmmmm...I didn't think so.

But I've had nightmares.

I don't need to do this.

I would rather be dirt poor and actually helping people than to have lots of money and no soul.

You do whatever you think you have to do.

I'm going to go help people.


I went door-to-door...I know, dark matter Beth met her antithesis and you know what happened? She appeared as several people who had recently lost their parents.

This weekend I talked to a guy who had watched one of his parents die in the hospital for a full week. I thought three days was bad. I also talked to someone who had seen far worse deaths than either of us could have ever imagined. So save your goddamn pity party stories and suck it up, Susan, because there is a lot worse shit that could be happening to you than your iPhone breaking.

There's a reason you meet the people you do in life, and when Homer's eyebrows flew up at my mention of meeting and speaking to a man whose mother had just passed away this May, I heard something inside me, a warning bell so to speak, that had been sounding and hasn't left me alone since I met that guy the other day. This stranger cried openly, tears poured from his eyes as he spoke to me of his love for his mother. I fought back tears and told him to hang in there. Moms are the best, and then I went back to my truck and cried for about an hour, before going to cry to my friends and family.

Did I tell you that on my first day of the new job I found a four leaf clover? Well, I'm telling you now.  I stepped out of my supervisor's truck to record my new cell phone greeting and just happened to look down and there it was. As soon as I wasn't searching for one, I found it. Like all the other great things in my life, that's how it happened. Serendipity. Fate. Whatever you want to call it.

When you wake up every day and feel perpetually bad about what you're doing to make money....just don't fucking do that anymore. I want to help people. I'm pretty sure God wants me to do that, too. Or I wouldn't blink a fucking eye at what I've been doing. I would sleep soundly and it wouldn't bother me that God is making all the people with dead parents interact with me.

Seriously, put me on a fucking roof with my tool belt and some nails and I will nail shingles all day. I will earn a living by the sweat of my brow and rest peacefully at night. But this? No. Just no.

If it sounds too good to be true, you're probably just selling a little piece of your soul to get it.

No thanks.

I have a different calling.