Anna Begins -- The Counting Crows

[Also titled Revelry -- Kings of Leon on my WordPress blog]

Thursday evening I let Annalee  read some of my blog for the first time. [In case you start wondering if I've lost my ability to write along with my mind, Anna-Lee has told me that this is how she likes to write her name. So I'll do it her way. But I know what her name is and why it is like it is.] Anyway, we started to scroll down the page to my very first blogger post, but she stopped me when she saw her name in ""With or Without You" -- U2." So we read that first. When she reached the end we were both crying. But she said, "Some of these tears are laughing tears, and some of them are sad tears." It was the perfect laughter-through-tears moment. I scrolled down to the second post, "Uh-Oh -- King Kong," and read through to "Rearview Mirror -- Pearl Jam" before we gave it up for the night. 

Annalee said, looking at me indignantly after reading Uh-Oh, "I thought you said it was funny."

"Well, some of them are funny, but they're all about Mom dying so, there's only so much funny you can get out of all of that experience..." I told her, smiling.

It all started when I was blogging. I was changing my layout, going on to explain to Annalee what the layout was, and how to change things on your blog. Then I showed her my stats, after she asked why I only had three followers and very few comments, I explained that each time I blogged, more and more people were reading. 

Looking at the titles of each blog and its popularity she queried me about the blogs themselves. She wondered, "Are they all just songs?"

"Well, each blog post title is the name of a song, and the artist name. It is either a song that I was listening to while I was writing, or a song that ties into the meaning of the blogpost itself," I attempted to explain. "Do you want to read some? You have to start at the beginning, though."

After we were finished reading, I played "With or Without You" for her. I think she enjoyed it, especially after knowing that it was one of her GG's favorite albums ever.

Later, while this song was playing, Addison asked if I liked this song--Revelry--or if I was finished listening to it.

It reminded me of all those times I begged Dad to play anything else except NPR while we were in the car. Or when Mom begged him to not play Led Zeppelin at such a loud volume. So, now that I have lived through forced-listening (which, really, results in more people who buy Led Zeppelin albums and listen to NPR podcasts of Fresh Air and Car Talk), I can decide how this is going to go.

"My iPod, my music, my stereo. That is all," I told Addison, and that was the end of that discussion.

Of course, having The Mother's Curse, it was only minutes later that I was putting the iPod out of reach after Addison had waited until I had left the room and turned my music off.

Oh well, I still have about 16 years of this to go before they are all completely from beneath my thumb, so I'll let it slide...for now.

Later, iPod in hand, I listened to Anna Begins by The Counting Crows and thought that it would be a great title for this post. After all, Anna is beginning something--something that we probably both need to read together so that we can share our feelings about this tragedy in our lives. 

I know it hurt her too, and that is what hurts me the most.   Knowing that she can read this, process it, and learn how to express her feelings in a similar manner gives me a new goal. To teach all of them as much as I can about Mom, as soon as I can. Try to capture every memory I can for them and hold onto it, because one day they will ask me about my Mother and I want to be able to tell them what a wonderful person she was--from the very beginning of her life to the very bitter end. 

Here will be some of that record. Here there will be the stories from my life, the complications of not having my mother, and, now, an effort to share with you--and them--the great memories that make having had Reba Jean as my Mother, if only for a little while. 

Oh great...now it's playing "The World I Know" by Collective Soul. Yet another song that Mom loved. 

"...and I laughed to myself

as the tears rolled down

cause it's the world I know"