Garden -- Pearl Jam

So yesterday, while we were visiting Dad, we took a walk down the road. It was fun, and really exciting for all of the kids. On our way Jessica wanted to dig up some wildflowers for her garden. Beside the road, in large patches, were giant clovers. I found two four-leaf clovers and one five-leaf clover. We lost one four-leaf clover on our way back, but the other two are pressed between the pages of my journal (Finally! Though in retrospect, I had to go home to find a four-leaf clover).

When we first arrived at Dad's house there was a Marlboro Light butt in the ashtray and a pink cup in the sink. I immediately thought, Dad's had a lady friend over! And promptly told Jamie, pointing out the evidence. But I was wrong. It was Jessica's lipsticked cigarette in the ashtray and a pink cup Dad had found in an old car. It was kind of funny because I immediately began to think, before reality caught up to me, he's had some woman here. And she's been smoking and drinking with Dad! Well, as you can imagine, I began to look for evidence of this mystery woman I had concocted. In the television room the books, pictures, and knick knacks had been moved around. The hole sculpture (see blog post wHole Lotta Love -- Led Zeppelin) was turned so that you couldn't even really tell what it was. The Waterford crystal candy dish and vase I had bought for Mom had been moved, and there was no candy in the dish. The books were all out of order, or so it seemed. Perhaps there were just different books that hadn't been before, which must have been the case, since all the books from the shelf in the bathroom were gone.

All of these things I worried over for a while, picking away, until I told Sarah of this mystery woman. She laughed and told me that it was just Dad moving shit around and cleaning. Well, that made sense. After all, why shouldn't he have the things in his house where he wants them? And later I would discover that my initial reaction to the cigarette and cup had created this false person in my mind. Some pretty woman running her hand along the Waterford crystal, fingers dancing over the spines of the books on the book shelf. Ready to snatch up these precious things and take them to the pawn shop.

My discussion with Sarah reassured me. She told me that Dad felt like it would have to be a very special person for him to waste his time and energy courting them. I guess that's a good thing and a bad thing. The good part is that he probably--if ever--won't get serious with some douchebag who just wants all his money. The bad part is that, by comparison, Mom is unbeatable. No one will ever be able to fill the void that Mom left, not for him, or for us. I like to think that there's some really nice lady out there that will come along and be a companion for Dad, but in my heart of hearts I know that Mom and Dad were meant for each other. They were meant to share this life together.

There are good people in the world. They often come and go too quickly, but the wake of their lives still reverberates through the lives of those they loved and inspired. It seems to be a lucky thing that we get to have those good souls like shooting stars through our lives. But it would be a miracle to find the love of your life twice in one lifetime.