3WW—alt-J

I changed my mind; you can do whatever you want with the following information, I no longer care….

I was supposed to be having a parenting class to help me with my teenager who hates going to school. I’m already disgruntled because his…ahem… father couldn’t parent himself out of a wet paper bag. BUT WHATEVER. 

So the first day she’s really late. Ok whatever. Move on, do the thing, put in the effort. Be polite, respond to questions, ask for clarification…

As the weeks go by, she is helplessly and relentlessly late, sometimes hours so, and her stories get more and more horrifying with each visit. 

First she tells me about leaving her toddler with cleaning supplies in reach and finding him mixing them together!?!?

Then she tells me that she taught her niece to ask the boys a the school dance to buy her snacks so she didn’t have to spend her money.

Ok yiiiiikkkkkeeeeessss….and all this time I am at a loss of how to respond, I just keep saying, “Wow,” and, “okay,” and praying to god the horror on my face is not as apparent as it feels. 

Last week she told me about throwing a marker at a woman at the social security office and wanting it to hit her but she ducked. (What. The. Fuck.) And then she laughed about it. I didn’t hide my shock and horror or bother trying. I said any time anyone in a position like that had been rude or unnecessarily mean to me I just cried, even if I was mad sad whatever, tears every time. Tears and just leave to avoid further abuse from the offending party. 

Week after week I relate all of this to my buddies at work in a lighthearted manner. I laugh about it a lot because if I didn’t laugh, I would be crying. 

One week she brought another lady and I am hoping that this is her replacement that she’s training, because she was much more suitable for the position, even if she didn’t remember my name. She seemed very sincere in wanting to help others. I don’t know how I feel about this other person anymore….

I want to be nice and try to be cordial but if this weren’t ending next week I’d be requesting to have a different teacher. I would genuinely like to learn things that I don’t yet know, BUT I NEED SOMEONE WISER THAN ME!!!!    

This week she tells me that her Dad made her rick all the wood as a kid but never her brother, which she didn’t understand. She said she had to throw it off the truck and then take it and rick it all up again. Still, I just said, “Wow.” I think that’s all I said. I didn’t know how to reply. All I know is that I can hardly ever get a word in edgewise before she’s on to the next, crazier story. What I wanted to say here was why on earth are you throwing all thsi wood around, why not just carry it directly from the truck to where it’s supposed to go!?!? but, AGAIN, not my place. What could I possibly know about doing anything!?! I’m in the position of needing help/assistance/being a dummo. :/

So then she tells me that she was getting called to the school all the time because they were trying to suspend her son or fail him or something anyway one story she told was getting called to the school because he used the words, “I’ll kill you!” Of course I was horrified but, hopefully kept my face from showing it (probably did not succeed but I thought about it anyway) and said that yeah you have to be careful about what you say even if it is just a “figure of speech” because children don’t know the difference. I gave the example of bleeping myself when my own children were young so that they wouldn’t continue to pick up on my propensity for such filthy language.

The story I shared was the only time that I have ever been called to go to the school that my kid wasnt sick or something and that’s when my eldest and most headstrong child decided to take a card that I had bought multiples of for all my sisters and gave it to a boy at school for valentines day. Now, a card is seemingly harmless but this one happened to have a guy wearing daisy duke jorts on it, the man posing in front of the Eiffel Tower. When I came in snickers had died down and when they asked me if I had ever seen this card I was like um yeah I bought like five the other day and lost one, OR SO I THOUGHT. And everyone thought it was hilarious, they all laughed, I laughed and apologized profusely and went on my way. Ha!

But this person’s stories??? I hope they are stories because it just kinda got worse? She talked about holding her niece down with her whole body, “to let her know everything was going to be alright.” Again, I say nothing, because what the fuck!?!? I don’t think it’s alright for anyone to hold a kid down like that against their will unless they’re in danger of actually thrashing about so much that they’re a danger to themselves—and that’s called a seizure. 

So. I just can’t. I have tried and tried with this person. I get it, I was late to everything for years and years!!! I get it…I get that lesson.,,but what about the rest of it!?!? Why did the people at your last job not like you? Why did you tell me that people have hunted you down because of your job? I kinda feel like if you were helping the people that you were supposed to be helping, maybe they wouldn’t want to hunt you down!?!? I don’t want to hunt this lady down for any reason whatsoever, and, in fact, I am hoping, after our last class, that I never have to gaze upon her visage ever again. Lord help me hold my tongue!!!

I’m supposed let things go. Dennis warned me a few years ago that I was gonna stroke out if I didn’t and today my sister reminded me of the sentiment. 

Soooooooo….FUCK IT. Come tell me how awful you are so I can go laugh about it later!!!! Simply because of how ridiculous your stories are—and I hope to fucking god that they’re stories and not the truth because BLESS ALL THEIR HEARTS!!!!

Im gonna go skateboard over to the store so I can keep us in a steady supply of pasta and sauce. 

Be real, guise. And if you can’t be real, at least stay over there!!!