As people of intelligence, do we not have the
ethical obligation to intercede when viewing impending disaster? Perhaps,
rather than a question of morals, then, we should consider it a question of
etiquette.
For example, just today, in a discussion with
talk2jme, it was revealed, as a humorous story that advice given to one of his
friends concerning marriage was immediately taken. Knowing the friend, and a
certain depth of common sense which he lacked, I was appalled at the
possibility of him expediting such advice so quickly. Who had given him this
advice? Shouldn’t they feel a little responsible for giving such advice if the
events that have transpired since unravel in quite an unpleasant way? Or
perhaps they intend to take credit for having inspired an agreeable match to
take the next step in life together? What is the intention of the advisor and
advisee in this conversation?
I think I shall stop giving advice. It is often
requested, but hardly ever taken. Instead, I think I shall turn to Emily Post.
I have always had an interest in etiquette and took the opportunity given me in
the required public speaking course for undergraduates to instruct my class in
etiquette. I gave a short presentation regarding everyday faux pas as well as
explanations of lesser-known faux pas regarded by the different cultures within
our global community.
Sounds like an exciting presentation, right?
Well, I tried to substitute the dry subject matter with attention-grabbing
theatrics and interesting facts. ‘Theatrics!’ you say. Actually I just pretended to answer my
phone at the beginning of the speech and commented how I wasn’t busy, not at
all. That’s the extent of my theatrics. I’m not sure how much of the
information was absorbed by my classmates, but I gave it shot anyhow.
So now, I turn to you, my small yet faithful,
audience, and ask: What would you do if asked for advice? Do you often give
solicited advice only to be rebuffed? Do you often give unsolicited advice?
Maybe I can fix that. I think that I will
entertain you with some Beth-style lessons in etiquette:
Etiquette on Advice: A
Five Part Lesson
1: Never purposely, jokingly, give people bad advice assuming that they
will have the intelligence to work through the other possibilities themselves.
In doing so you may be giving people too much credit, and this could come back
to bite you both in your asses.
2: Don’t give unsolicited advice. Just don’t. Stop yourself mid-sentence
if you have to, turn and walk the other way, pretend to choke violently on
something, or ‘accidentally’ spill something. Instant change-of-subject is
necessary.
3: In the event that someone solicits your advice, don’t do it. Tell them
that you will respect whatever decision that they make (if they are friends or
family members), but firmly state that their decision must be their own. Refer
back to lesson two, if necessary, to prevent further conversation on the
subject.
4: Refrain from interfering in any conversations about advice. If you
overhear someone giving bad advice, just try to ignore it. If you overhear
someone about to execute a plan based on bad advice, say nothing. If you
interfere, then you may be obligated to give your own opinion, which may point
out how poor the decisions and advice are of those involved.
5. This one is most important: If you are in a predicament in which you
must give advice just remember that the
best advice is the vaguest. Advice should be like horoscopes, people just
read into it what they want, coming to the decision by themselves.
Well, I said I wasn’t going to give advice
anymore and here I am making a lesson on the subject. I just Can’t Stop.
