It must be so confusing for you. That’s alright, I don’t mind if you don’t understand, never understand.
Want to know a secret?
I am aware, I just don’t care anymore. Perhaps you should try it, it’s quite pleasant. After enough of everyone’s bullshit, I guess you just get bored of the same old things happening and it’s no longer surprising at all when people are just …themselves, even when they are predictable, poorly mannered, or even downright just shitty people. Turns out, there’s a lot more of those than we would all like to believe. Otherwise we all wouldn’t be in this mess. There wouldn’t be endless wars, daily conflicts, or masses of people in our world hungry and homeless.
That’s what all of this really boils down to, isn’t it, is whether or not you’re willing to just sit by and let things happen? The reality of each of our own little universes is such that each of our lives, our livelihoods, our hopes, dreams, and goals are completely shaped, and I dare say somewhat determined, by the fact that our society has determined that the best used of each of our limited time here is being “productive” in a society by working every day in the capitalist system. It’s unfortunate that the system itself is most certainly the biggest part of the problem.
The subject of war came up while I was enjoying my time at my second job—which is ‘None of Your Business’—and I couldn’t help but to think that the problems of the world are just about the same whether or not you are viewing it at a macro level or a micro level—it all kinda boils down to: what you allow will continue. Very little at the micro level is controllable, really, like I have said many times before, the only thing that you can really control is your reaction to any given moment in time. How do you react when there is conflict, created or not, is often the measure that shows how much you are actually capable of controlling. And it’s always—and only—your own actions and reactions.
Of course, we all have to decide which of the things we are willing to do for a productive job, where we want to live, where we want to spend our, however small, amount of leisure time, what we drive or how we transport ourselves to those places. All of those things are, somewhat, within our ability to choose and decide for ourselves, within the framework of the society in which we live. Some might say we actually have very few choices, and, depending on how you look at the world, some others might just say that we don’t have any at all, that everything is pre-determined.
I choose to live my own life with the realization that what I can control about my own little world is how I choose to view it, how I choose to act, and how I choose to react. As it turns out, all the assholes in the world may not actually be capable of changing. Otherwise, why would we be having another war, building a bunch of data centers (that take our fresh water ruin those supplies), and continuing to have increasing numbers of hungry and homeless people in our world? I had hoped, for the future of humanity, that all the advances in technology, and our abilities to adopt and adapt them, would help to ease, if not entirely eliminate, the problems we have in housing and feeding the world’s population.
After a lot of observation, I guess what I have determined is the same thing that our boys from Twenty One Pilots have concluded:
“Maybe this is you
Maybe you don’t fix and you like it like this”
I haven’t given up hope that people, and the world as a whole, can change for the better. I have just given up on ever expecting anything more from people who don’t seem capable or interested in changing anything for the better when they might actually be able to do so. For all those who decide, when they rise each day, to be a better version of themselves than they were yesterday, I applaud your efforts. For the rest of you, I have just given up any hope that you’ll ever actually change. And that’s okay. I can’t do anything about the rest of yall, all I can do is mind my own fucking business and continue to show up for myself every day, honor the commitments that I have made, and try to be a better version of myself with each step forward.
I have had the unfortunate habit, over the course of my entire life, of questioning why other people don’t seem capable of change or growth. I have finally determined that a new habit should take its place. I will continue to set boundaries and enforce them, but I am working on creating this new habit where I just automatically take the first reaction that I have and go with it, because it’s always been right. It’s only in the questioning of that first reaction that has ever been the problem—and The Truth is that, even if you don’t understand, may never be capable of understanding, I still know exactly what I knew from the beginning—the knee-jerk reaction is the one that I will hold on to now, just stop questioning it. “What the hell does that mean!?!?” you might be asking—well, as it turns out, all of this was never about anything but my own growth as a human. And here’s a secret I can finally share, lean in really close so I can just whisper it into your ear: I know a lot of things, but I can only change myself.
What can you do?
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