Your Song -- Ellie Goulding

"Looks like one just left the nest," Steven seemed to sum it up pretty perfectly. I had just gotten home Sunday evening, was pulling my shoes off. I had told him that I felt...something strange. I had big, new feelings that I'd never had before. We had just seen them off that evening, or was it afternoon? I had been up so long, running running running...It was all worth it, though, to see their beautiful faces as they each came up the aisle. Married.  

It seemed like only yesterday the kid was dyeing Easter eggs with her siblings at the table on the back porch. Monster eggs with silly googly eyes and bright colors. What a whirlwind of a weekend! What an amazing life we all have! And what a gift to be able to share it with one another in such happy times!

I might come back here occasionally to beat the hell out of a dead fucking horse, so to say, but what I truly live for is the here and now. I want to experience each moment of the remainder of my life fully. Be present fully, especially when these huge life events seem to be coming faster and faster as I go along. 

I remember what it was like as a child and thinking that time seemed to just drag by so slowly, especially when you were waiting for something you were excited about, as children often do. I also remember people telling me to enjoy it while I could. I wish I had listened, understood, and done a better job of being present all these years. I can't change the past, but I can be present for now and in the future. 

I have a feeling that this isn't the last time that I will experience some new feelings and I am happy to say that I am excited to see what else life brings. There will be many more gatherings of family in the future, many more times that I will be able to look around at the room and see everyone happy and loved. 

I don't know that I will ever have another moment where I am scrambling around the kitchen, cooking for a crowd, and then look up to see my Dad, my guy, and the ex-husband chilling at the same table. I even came out of the kitchen and over to the table to witness it up close. It was true and, though I had been too busy to notice at first, they seemed to be having a decent time. 

Sometimes life really does surprise you when you least expect it.