Judith -- A Perfect Circle

Turns out, you can have everything you ever wanted. If you sell yourself to the debil, or as I like to call him, Corporate Entities.

I tried. I really did. But I felt wretched.

How do you sleep at night?

Tell me, won't you, how does it feel to have a lot of money by stepping on someone else's neck to get it? Does it feel good? Do you stay up at night wondering if you're going to end up in the seventh circle of hell? Hmmmm...I didn't think so.

But I've had nightmares.

I don't need to do this.

I would rather be dirt poor and actually helping people than to have lots of money and no soul.

You do whatever you think you have to do.

I'm going to go help people.


I went door-to-door...I know, dark matter Beth met her antithesis and you know what happened? She appeared as several people who had recently lost their parents.

This weekend I talked to a guy who had watched one of his parents die in the hospital for a full week. I thought three days was bad. I also talked to someone who had seen far worse deaths than either of us could have ever imagined. So save your goddamn pity party stories and suck it up, Susan, because there is a lot worse shit that could be happening to you than your iPhone breaking.

There's a reason you meet the people you do in life, and when Homer's eyebrows flew up at my mention of meeting and speaking to a man whose mother had just passed away this May, I heard something inside me, a warning bell so to speak, that had been sounding and hasn't left me alone since I met that guy the other day. This stranger cried openly, tears poured from his eyes as he spoke to me of his love for his mother. I fought back tears and told him to hang in there. Moms are the best, and then I went back to my truck and cried for about an hour, before going to cry to my friends and family.

Did I tell you that on my first day of the new job I found a four leaf clover? Well, I'm telling you now.  I stepped out of my supervisor's truck to record my new cell phone greeting and just happened to look down and there it was. As soon as I wasn't searching for one, I found it. Like all the other great things in my life, that's how it happened. Serendipity. Fate. Whatever you want to call it.

When you wake up every day and feel perpetually bad about what you're doing to make money....just don't fucking do that anymore. I want to help people. I'm pretty sure God wants me to do that, too. Or I wouldn't blink a fucking eye at what I've been doing. I would sleep soundly and it wouldn't bother me that God is making all the people with dead parents interact with me.

Seriously, put me on a fucking roof with my tool belt and some nails and I will nail shingles all day. I will earn a living by the sweat of my brow and rest peacefully at night. But this? No. Just no.

If it sounds too good to be true, you're probably just selling a little piece of your soul to get it.

No thanks.

I have a different calling.

Supermassive Blackhole --Muse

People are mean. They like to pretend that they don't have feelings. Like things don't affect them. They drown it all out with drugs or alcohol or hurting others. But all they really end up doing is hurting themselves.

Go ahead. Try life sober for a while. You might not like it. But you'll see things for what they truly are. And then there is no turning back.

I think that's why people relapse. Because life is hard. It never gets any easier. And you won't make it if you're checking out with drugs, or alcohol, or being cruel to others. Oh, you'll probably live. You'll definitely live. Because that is your punishment. Some people believe there is a hell. I think you make your own. Right here on earth. If you're arrogant enough to believe that what you're doing in this moment has no consequences, then you deserve what's coming.

The thing is, life's not fair. It never has been. It never will be. But the only thing you have control over in this world are your actions. So choose them well, treat others as you would like to be treated. Turn the other cheek. It won't be easy. You will fail at moments. But don't give up. Never give up. Because one day this life will be over and you will know what is beyond it. Whether you believe or not, there is an end and when it comes, and it will come, you're not going to be ready. I don't think anyone ever really is. And I've been there, I've seen people go, and all the wishing and hoping in the world is not going to matter in the end. All you really have is right here, right now. So be wise.

Indy Kidz -- Cage the Elephant

Don't try to commit me, I'm not insane.

That being said, I have a jobby job with a picture name badge, company shirt, and company truck.

I got a haircut and a real job.

My kids are good. I took them to the creek to swim a couple days ago and we found a lot of interesting rocks and fossils while we were there. We skipped rocks. Bella pulled large rocks from the creekbed and threw my cool fossils back in the water.

I am starting a new chapter in my life and it's called:

Beth Owns All Her Decisions And Is A Big Girl Wearing Big Girl Panties

Sooooo...I have NOT been repeating the same actions over and over expecting different results. I'm changing the results by changing my actions. And I will not apologize for taking control of my life.

I love my Dad.
I love my siblings...all of them.
I appreciate everything that anyone has ever done for me.

If you want to be part of my life, dont fuck with me, okay? I'm a lot more clever than you're giving me credit for...so LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS to a reasonable level, okay? Okay.