The lady at the doctor’s office was asking about my parents and grandparents, while taking my blood pressure. She had asked my grandmothers name, thought she had passed a couple of years ago but I said, “Billie.” And then, as she made a yikes face at the reading on the blood pressure monitor, I said, “It was last year. I was with her when she passed…maybe we shouldn’t talk about dead people while we’re doing this!?!” It wasn’t an unpleasant conversation, really, I promise, and the monitor soon showed a dip towards a more normal blood pressure reading. As I was leaving the office that evening, it had begun to snow; big, fat snowflakes drifted through the air as I jogged through the parking lot.
By Wednesday, the sun had popped out and melted the light dusting of snow that had adorned the trees and grass for a day. Now, Thursday morning and I am listening to Handel’s Messiah. It took me a little while to find the right one. They’re not all the same, you know. I was trying to find the one that Mom had loved so much—the one that I was so familiar with hearing at Christmas time over the years. I added it to the Christmas music playlist that I have been compiling for Friday’s open house.
“He was despised.” They sing it kinda funny, if you’ve never heard things pronounced that way before, it might even sound silly. He was despised. People hate things they cannot comprehend—this is a difficult lesson for people to learn. When I was a young child, I remember grilling Mom about Jesus. I remember the late-night conversations about him—the ones where we both ended up crying. I just couldn’t understand why they killed him.
I know, now.
I watched Mel Gibson’s movie when it came out. That was a one and done for me. I’m still kinda upset about it…hell, I’m still mad about it. They KILLED HIM, you know!?!?
Friday.
Today is the day. The Final Countdown.
I’m not sure we are all completely prepared for what’s coming in the next chapter of our lives, but I, personally, am excited to see where the future takes us. I know Dad is going to have a little more time on his hands. There are definitely some changes coming, but, like all the rest, we will take those in stride.
It’ll be alright, that’s one thing that I know for sure. Today is the final preview before the auction closes at 6 PM. Today feels…both oddly exciting and also nerve-wracking. I finished my Christmas playlist and will set up my amp to play music while I’m there. Tonight is the town’s Christmas parade and festivities. There are other things on our agenda as parents today…
Ah, the Christmas festivities…look, y’all, I will be the first to admit that I did not love moving back here. Then I read the local newspaper. It doesn’t take me long to read each issue, hell it doesn’t take me long to edit it and sit it back down again, frowning at first, then laughing and shaking my head. I walk around here quite a lot, and I have visited a lot of different, really cute small towns…and this town doesn’t look like a hallmark movie for Christmas time and I cannot hide my disappointment. I would suggest making better, more creative choices, but then, I may have to also make those creative suggestions—and they don’t pay or praise me for that. They definitely don’t deserve a free creative suggestion. So, I just let it go. Laughing at the silliness of it all—the excessive spending for so very little in return—the lack of consistent creative vision is like a punishment, you know? Surely you all must realize that when things that don’t flow well, they also don’t sit well, in the end. Maybe these are things that I know and that some still have yet to learn.
For now, my focus is on layering my clothing for this cold-ass day. And the day ahead is going to be a challenge, if only because of how I feel. It’s going to be difficult, at times, to deal with the many mixed emotions, but we will get through it together, as a family. And tomorrow the sun will rise again.
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